Too Early in the Day for Televangelists

So it's 5:30 a.m. in Los Angeles and I am under a blanket — no, it's not a Snuggie — remote in hand, trolling the hundred or so cable channels in search of a compelling story, some cogent news analysis, anything more edifying than the plethora of info-hustles for "sexier faces," "free money" or "reverse mortgage" schemes. I strike out. Nada, nothing, zilch. 80 bucks a month and nothing whatsoever to watch.

It's not until I get to the butt-end of the programming spectrum that I start to get excited. There's old from-sin-to-salvation Jimmy Swaggart with a stackful of fresh money pledges just received by his operators ("more operators just arrived, thank the Lord for that," he says soberly).

As he ticks off the names of good, small-town, god-fearing folks who have sacrificed $100 and $500 and even a thousand dollars to his "global ministry," I can't help but wonder how televangelists like Swaggart and Jim Bakker sleep at night, knowing that people who actually need every penny of their paychecks are getting less than nothing for their sacrificial investment. Nobody actually prays for them, not that it matters when facing the grim reality of hunger or foreclosure.

Of course, Swaggart cloaks his greedy pleas for personal enrichment in the language of high-minded principle — so he can "spread the word of Jesus Christ across the globe." Hey, I got nothing but nice things to say about that well-meaning gentleman of yore, who, like Karl Marx, has had his visionary words and august principles twisted and misshapen in the name of both tyranny and genocide.

So here's my dilemma. Does our much-cherished Constitution really protect the people, in whose name it was ostensibly written, or is it more often worn like camouflage by nefarious individuals with dark and exploitive agendas? I'm all for freedom of worship and the separation of church and state, as long as the government doesn't allow holy hucksters to scare/cajole its good citizens into sending tax-exempt dollars to them without strict accountability. Which reminds me of another horror-show I recently saw on television.

Just on the other side of the spiritual spectrum is lay minister and self-appointed billionaire-prophetess Oprah Winfrey, whose recent attendance at multi-millionaire pastor Joel Osteen's mega-church gave that silky-smooth motivational speaker an air of spiritual legitimacy. There she was with soporific filmmaker Tyler Perry beside her, waving and smiling at the adoring crowd, as Osteen calculated the dollar-value of her presence in his "church" — a converted 16,000-seat basketball arena he updated to the tune of $100 million. That money could have fed a lot of hungry families…..

Finally, there is an organization that deserves our generous support, far more than lavish-lifestyle guys like Mike Murdock and Osteen and Creflo Dollar. The American Institute of Philanthropy operates the Charity Rating Guide and Watchdog Report, and uses its resources to detail misbehavior by non-profit, tax-exempt televangelists. For instance, last year they reported that tele-preachers Randy and Paula White used their church's AmEx card to take a bunch of celeb athletes to watch a boxing match in Las Vegas. Cost to the congregation: $24K! God does work in mysterious ways…..

P.S., let me remind Oprah and anyone planning to write a check to Joel Osteen that he refuses to provide fiscal disclosure statements to the Evangelical Council of Financial Accountability, an organization that tries to separate the spiritual wheat from the fraudulent chaff.